Finding a partner can now begin with a single swipe. Nevertheless, dating app use is still often viewed as a sign that someone has difficulty finding a partner “naturally.” In fact, dating apps can provide an opportunity to expand connections and get to know potential partners more purposefully when used wisely and safely.
This topic was discussed in the latest episode of Obrolan Psikologi (OPSI), a psychology talk show produced through a collaboration between the Faculty of Psychology, Universitas Gadjah Mada (UGM), and TVRI Yogyakarta, on Tuesday (15/9). Hosted by Hendry Saputra, the fourteenth episode of this year featured UGM Psychology doctoral alumna Dr. Martaria Rizky Rinaldi, M.Psi., Psychologist, affectionately known as Kiki, who discussed strategies for finding a partner through dating apps.
Meeting a potential partner through a dating app may begin with a single swipe, but building a healthy relationship requires more than simply matching profiles. Despite the convenience they offer, dating apps also require users to balance these opportunities with strategy, caution, and readiness to manage expectations.
“This is actually an opportunity, but it also requires a strategy to help us find love,” Kiki said.
Present an Authentic Self
One of the keys to using dating apps successfully is honesty when creating a profile. A specific bio that encourages conversation, along with photos that are not excessively filtered, can help potential partners get to know who we really are.
“We should not create a bio with photos covered in layers of filters… because people will no longer recognize who we really are,” Kiki explained.
When deciding to meet in person, safety should remain the top priority. Choose a public place, avoid asking the other person to pick you up, and make sure a friend or someone you trust knows about the meeting.
Starting Conversations and Managing Expectations
Rather than relying on small talk such as “Have you eaten?”, starting a conversation by discussing hobbies or interests listed on a profile can be more effective in building a meaningful connection.
At the same time, it is important not to place high expectations on someone who has only recently been met. Kiki reminded viewers, “Don’t immediately invest all our emotions in one person we have only known for a day or two and already start expecting too much.”
Managing expectations from the beginning can help minimize disappointment if a relationship does not develop as hoped, including the risk of ghosting—the act of suddenly ending communication or a relationship without providing any explanation, message, or reason to the other person.
Do Not Let Social Pressure Set the Timeline
Kiki added that questions such as “When are you getting married?” can become a source of pressure, especially when people see their peers getting married first. However, it is important to remember that everyone has a different life timeline.
“We should not let our personal timeline constantly adjust itself to the social timeline,” Kiki emphasized.
According to Kiki, marriage is also not the only measure of success in life. Personal happiness should be prioritized before deciding to commit to another person.
“Marriage is for oneself, not merely to fulfill social expectations,” Kiki said.
Ultimately, finding a partner through dating apps is not something that needs to be considered taboo. With the right strategies—including creating an honest profile, staying alert when meeting in person, initiating meaningful conversations, and maintaining realistic expectations—dating apps can provide a healthy pathway to finding a partner without having to submit to social pressure or someone else’s timeline.
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Writer: Arrasya Aninggadhira