Friday (15/7) Center for Public Mental Health (CPMH) Faculty of Psychology UGM held an Online Lecture (KulOn) with the topic “Toxic Relationships in the Family”. “Today, we will discuss a theme that may be considered as one of the core problems of all the themes that we may have discussed. Starting from what has to do with teenagers or children. Then with the problem of mental disorders itself. Then we discussed the academic setting, namely school and it turned out that after being investigated, we never left the discussion or discussion about family,” explained Nurul Kusuma Hidayati, M.Psi., a psychologist who became one of the ancient speakers this time. Besides Nurul, there was also Wirdatul Anisa, M.Psi., a psychologist who was the speaker.
“I and Nurul will share this topic later, then what can we do to prevent or maybe we are in that condition, what can we do to improve it,” said Wirdatul. This kulon event started at 13.00 WIB and was attended by participants from various regions in Indonesia, such as Bandung, Medan, and other cities.
“So, the prevention that we will show through the slides is only a small part of what we have discussed together in CPMH forums. For this time, we are only mapping about toxic relationships. Not to focus on weaknesses because that is one of the things that we will address later, but this is done so that we are more aware”, explained Nurul at the beginning of the presentation of the material.
Another thing that was discussed in Kulon this time was a quote from Nikki DeFrain, “everything that happens to you, happens to me”. The quote explains that whatever happens to one family member will also affect other family members. If there is one member who has a problem or is in trouble, it will not only be the person concerned, but the entire family,” continued Nurul.
The family is a moving group and a system whose members are interconnected. Families that are “rigid” are very likely to be fragile or inflexible in the face of changing environments. “Regarding flexibility and rigidity, it turns out that they also have a big role in family functioning. When the family has clear rules, but then in practice the family can be flexible in adjusting the rules or in adjusting existing roles, then the family will have a greater tolerance for stress or crisis,” explained Wirdatul.
Wirdatul also conveyed two important points in the family that can be seen as points whether the family is balanced or not or functional or dysfunctional. Two things in question are cohesiveness and flexibility. “Cohesiveness is related to attachment. So, how much each member in the family is bound to each other. It can be a nuclear family member or a family member who lives under the same roof. If flexibility is related, the rules, roles, responsibilities, positions, and positions of each. Flexibility is divided into two, namely rigid and chaotic (free and at will),” continued Wirdatul .
There are various things that are characteristic of dysfunctional families, such as people in the family tend to focus on negative things, are too critical and aggressive in communicating, avoid verbal conflicts, cannot handle crises effectively, role confusion occurs, and so on.